Life Is A Mix CD, Part Nine

The Slowest Year: A Liz-Friendly Mix (Spring 2009)

1. Jimmy Eat World “Table for Glasses”
2. The Gloria Record “The Arctic Cat”
3. Bright Eyes “First Day of My Life”
4. John Lennon “Oh My Love”
5. Mazzy Star “Fade Into You”
6. The New Pornographers “Adventures In Solitude”
7. The Beach Boys “God Only Knows”
8. Cat Power “The Sea of Love”
9. Nada Surf “Comes A Time”
10. Plankeye “One or the Other”
11. Sleeping At Last “Slowly, Now”
12. Coldplay “A Message”
13. Death Cab For Cutie "I Will Follow You Into the Dark”

In the Spring of 2009, I took a semester off of school to work on some personal things. Up to this point, I had been making a lot of selfish choices. The result of those choices came to a head in late 2008. I found myself probably the furthest from God I have ever found myself. I was struggling to stay afloat in the sea of life. My choices and actions had hurt my relationships with others. I chose to take the semester off of school to work out my issues and mend some of my broken relationships, namely the relationship with my wife. I know I am speaking in obscurities and code. I may some day be able to honestly and unabashedly speak about things that happened in the Fall of 2008 in this public of a forum, but those days are still ahead of me. What I can say is it is an important lesson in life to learn to admit when we are wrong and when we wrong others and also to make amends to heal those wounds. It is an especially important lesson for someone like me who always thinks he is right. These are some of the lessons I was learning at this time in my life.

This mix was another mix for Liz, an apology of sorts. I was once again attempting to make a mix “full of stuff she'd like. Full of stuff that'd make her happy.” as Cusack says in High Fidelity. I think this mix is far more thoughtful than the one I made for our drive to Dallas in 2004. I dug deep into my own brain and music library in order to find stuff she'd like. For the Dallas Mix, I chose songs I knew Liz liked. Stuff she had heard. Stuff I hadn't even heard until I met her. I knew she would like the mix. It was basically a mix of Liz's music that I could tolerate. There was very little risk of rejection in the Dallas Mix. I went a different route this time and tried to make the mix more from my own heart and head. There were a few songs I knew Liz liked, namely “Table for Glasses,” “Adventures in Solitude,” and “I Will Follow You Into the Dark.” They were songs that had come from me that she also ended up liking. I put songs on this mix I knew she hadn't heard before or at least hadn't paid attention to when I had it on in my car. Some of the selections I am most proud of are “Fade Into You,” “First Day of My Life,” and “Comes A Time.” I knew that these were songs that Liz didn't know but she would like. Taking the time to make the mix was honestly probably more healing for me than her, once again reminding me that my life definitely isn't all about me.

You will also note the appearance of one John Lennon. Around the end of 2007, a strange thing happened. I became very intrigued by and almost obsessed with the Beatles and Lennon. This new-found interest was kindled by the documentary The U.S. vs. John Lennon. After the movie, I had a lot of respect for John Lennon and found the music was far more interesting to me than it had ever been before, both his solo stuff and the stuff with the Beatles. I found myself listening to Beatles 1 a lot at work. I had heard most of these songs before, but knowing some of the story behind the man who wrote them made them hit closer to home. I would look up the songs on Wikipedia, wondering what they were about and if Paul or John was primarily responsible for writing it. I also had the chance to see Across the Universe in Dallas at the Angelika. I loved the arrangements of the songs for the most part and the visuals in the movie are pretty amazing. I also got to hear some Beatles songs that I wasn't familiar with, and I found that I liked them. I also got a copy of Lennon Legend and devoured it, listening constantly while I was at work. I am not a greatest hits listener by any means, but I often use these compilations as a means to an end for introducing myself to bands I haven't previously listened to. I saw Help and Hard Day's Night for the first time. I read anything I could get my hands on about the Beatles and Lennon. By the end of 2007, my birthday and Christmas lists were filled with Beatles and Lennon albums. I had come to the realization that my blessed indie rock had its roots in the Beatles anyway and wondered why I had taken so long to arrive at this earth-shattering epiphany. Listen to songs like “Long, Long, Long” and “Across the Universe” and tell me you haven't heard indie rock and indie pop groups try to emulate that sound. Also, psychedelic songs like “Lucy In the Sky With Diamonds” and “I Am the Walrus” are still influencing art, both in music and other mediums.

The whole of 2008 wasn't a bad year in itself. July of 2008 found Liz and I on our first overseas trip. We visited London, Stratford-upon-Avon, Edinburgh, Inverness, and Liverpool. The trip was an amazing experience. We saw the sites: The Globe Theatre, Tower of London, Loch Ness, Edinburgh Castle, Buckingham Palace, Trafalgar Square. We saw Scottish in kilts guys throwing capers and heard bagpipe bands in the Highland Games. We saw George's, Paul's, and John's childhood homes and got to ride around Liverpool in a bus painted like the Magical Mystery Tour bus. We go to peak through the gates of Strawberry Field and stand on Penny Lane. We also got the opportunity to see my great friend, Daniel, who put us up for a few days in Edinburgh and saved us majorly on hotel fares and whom without the trip probably wouldn't have been possible. It is still by far my favorite vacation. The people were very friendly to us poor, clueless, and sometimes lost American tourists. I loved the public transportation and reading on the trains that speed through the English and Scottish countryside. If ever an opportunity smacked me in the face where we'd be able to move somewhere over there, I don't think I could turn it down. One day, we will return, and hopefully get to see more of Europe while we are at it. It was a crazy 9 day trip, but I don't think I would change anything about it.

Fast-forward back to the Spring of 2009. I talked about some of my situation earlier in the post. I neglected to mention I was out of work at the time. We were, thankfully, living way below our means, so the financial hit wasn't too much of a burden, but the job hunt was stressful. There is nothing I dislike more than looking for a job. It is one of life's most unpleasant ventures because, unless you are very lucky, most avenues you pursue don't pan out. It is a lot of work without a lot of reward most of the time. Mercifully, in April of 2009, I was offered a position at cat-man-du, working on computers and networks. I started in May of 2009 and have been there ever since. I really cannot express how thankful I am to Ray and the rest of cat-man-du for giving me the chance to join the team. I enjoy working for a company that doesn't micro manage their employees, tries to make work fun, and treats their employees well. It's a pleasure to work with all of the great people I get to work with on a daily basis.

My new-found job opportunity was just an example about what I was learning at the time. At a time when I was down, there were people there to help me, to love and support me. During my lifetime, I have been taught so much about unconditional love by the example of those around me. I think part of the reason we were all put here is to help each other out. During the Spring of 2009 I felt helpless. Today, I feel that I am in a place to help others. I often am still selfish and miss these opportunities, but I still find that doing something for someone else is often at the forefront of my mind, and that's progress. I learned a lot from this difficult time in my life, and I know that these hardships have (hate to sound cliché but) made me a better person. There is no doubt that I am still very much a work in progress, but at least I have turned around and am heading the right direction. For that and so much more, I am thankful and live a pretty great life today.